tastefullyoffensive:

[mocktopus]

pleatedjeans:

via

I believe the ability to be brief is a sign of intelligence. Brevity without vagueness or ambiguity demonstrates that one clearly understands something and is not just rattling off a bunch of lengthy, pretentious words in hopes of sounding educated. When someone is asked a simple question and he or she begins (as it seems) reciting Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix verbatim, it appears as if, well, that person does not know what the hell he or she is talking about.

Am I a hypocrite? Let me use other words. Anything can be explained simply, so be brief…because long explanations for simple things are not only boring, but they make you look—for lack of a better word—stupid.

Goodnight!

Looking desperately for a grad gift for Austin. Find his favorite show on DVD and call him asking if he owns it. He says no. Success! Buy it. He calls later wondering why I asked. Tell him a friend of mine was looking for it. He says again, no, he doesn’t have it, but it would make a great gift for him. Double success! He then adds that I shouldn’t buy seasons 1-4, those suck. Get the ones after instead.
I bought him season one.
DX

Story of my life.
I hope he doesn’t read this before tomorrow.

poorrichardsnews:

No more Big Gulps. No more Venti. No more Route 44. Mayor Michael Bloomberg (who apparently has no problem stuffing his face with hot dogs), is on a mission to ban large drinks in New York City. And you know, if the New York Times is telling you that you’ve gone too far towards the nanny…

I thought it was my right to be fat and unhealthy. But hey, I am obviously much too stupid to think for myself. Thank you Leader Bloomberg!
-_-

Drive
Use correct grammar
Not be classified as a freshman
Textt withouuttt extraa letttersss
Be able to get a job
Take responsibility for yourself
Have something in your wardrobe that’s not Abercrombie & Fitch
Keep your nude pictures to yourself
Spell the words “definitely” and “supposedly” correctly
Tell me what the tangent of 45 degrees is
Know the name of the current secretary of state or republican presidential nominee
And most importantly,
TAKE CARE OF A BABY,

You are probably not mature enough to be having sex.

This message has been brought to you by someone extremely tired of this past year’s horrifically trashy freshman class.
2015 ain’t so clean, if you know what I mean!
Incoming freshmen…please…don’t be like them.